Surrender

I am ferocious, scary, angry
I am full of sharp claws and fierce bite
I am outer bear
 
I am protective, scared, running, avoiding, ignoring
I am fighting myself, my fears, my desires, my inner not enough monsters
Hiding myself and presenting my outer bear to the world
 
And yet…
 
If I remember to breathe, to pause, to check in with myself
I can surrender, give myself permission to soften
 
Surrender my fierce hold on control, who I am, things I should
Surrender the thoughts that life will be perfect once I complete this or that
These thoughts that keep happiness and success and achievement always just out of reach, just round the next bend
 
When I surrender to bear
I can accept her protection, her claws, her fierceness,
I can luxuriate in her fur and her warmth
My inner bear
 
I can surrender my fears and my monsters – she’s on it, she has it
I can just be
Me
Vulnerable, imperfect, human

Diane Oliver, Beltaine 2018